Nice job, America! (not really)

Let me get this straight, because I don’t know much about the sports.  In fact, it is the only reason that I have to take several turns to win a game of Trivial Pursuit.  Here is my attempt to outline what I think that I’ve just witnessed:

  1. Donald Sterling, the owner of an NBA team, is suddenly branded the biggest jerk in America because some trollop releases recorded audio of him making some very racist comments.
    1. Apparently, being a racist is what it takes to make him a real villain.
      1. Never mind that he has an extensive history of dastardly business dealings that involve preying on the less fortunate.
      2. Ignore that he is a proven adulterer, hence the aforementioned trollop.
    2. Please also disregard that he as done some things in the past which help him self-identify as an opportunistic, selfish, racist.
  2. The NBA bans this dude, so the team’s control reverts to his wife (who is probably quite sick of the trollop situation).
  3. Lots of racially sensitive, exceedingly wealthy people rush to make offers to buy the team because we certainly can’t have something like this tarnishing the image of the NBA.
  4. Steve Ballmer whips out $2,000,000,000 from his money clip (count the zeros…that is 2 billion) and buys this team for $1,988,000,000 more than Sterling paid for it in the 1980’s.
  5. Donald Sterling and his family get to laugh all the way to the bank and the only real consequences are that the trollop probably won’t be getting anymore Bentleys from Donald (Daddy Warbucks) Sterling.

Amazing.  The NBA is so worried about its bottom line that it brokers a deal which leaves Sterling better off financially, in the end.  Where can I sign up for a golden parachute like that?

Thank you, Rod Hilton!

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I have sensed a great disturbance in the force.  Alderaan being destroyed?  No.  George Lucas’ reach exceeding his grasp?  Absolutely.

I first sensed that disturbance way back in the nineties when a bunch of us ate dinner at Matt Weather’s parent’s house and journeyed to see the reissues of the original Star Wars trilogy.  It was in that one simple moment when Greedo all of the sudden developed a magical rubber arm and took an awkward shot at Han Solo that I suspected that we were in for trouble.  Three prequels later, I was left with the full realization of Lucas’ folly.

My childhood was destroyed.  My beloved Star Wars had been brought low with Lucas’ meddling and ill-planned or ill-executed prequels.  All I was left to do was find unaltered versions of the three original films and pretend that Episodes 1-3 didn’t exist…that is until this month.

Earlier in the month, on Star Wars Day, there was great celebration amongst the geeks.  Incidentally, there was also a special episode of The Big Bang Theory that made mention of “The Machete Order.”  What is The Machete Order, you may ask?  It is simply the most beautiful piece of scholarly film thought in the last 20 years.  I would take the time to explain it, but I’ll simply refer you to the original article and another commentary.

Here is the original.

Here is a follow-up.

All I can do at this point is praise Rod Hilton and spread the word of his glorious work.  Thank you, Rod Hilton!  You have saved us all.

Never again, Jar Jar…never again.

Oh yeah, ladies!

I promised you all that if Caleb did well on American Idol that I would post some sweet pics for your enjoyment.  I also know that I have a twitch in my left eye that won’t quite go away that I developed from Caleb and his partner-in-crime, Matthew, cutting-up so much in youth group.

Welcome home, Caleb!  Sometimes, payback is a mother.

Anyway, I hear that sexy, sultry celebrity internet pictures are all the rage.  Oh yeah, ladies!

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